Falls Men’s Club — Saturday Morning “Local Rules” (not quite..)
Tee time is before sunrise. Complaining starts at 6:12.
- If you’re late, you’re the cart driver and emotional support guy for the day.
- No swing tips before 8:00 a.m. We’re awake, not coachable.
- Breakfast ball is allowed — but you must announce it like a confession.
- Mulligans are illegal unless everyone agrees that the bounce was criminal.
- Any putt inside “grumpy range” is a gimme, as defined by the oldest man present.
- Lip-outs count as half a stroke because they hurt twice as much.
- Tree-to-fairway is course management, not luck.
- “I usually hit this club” is not evidence. It’s comedy.
- If you say “watch this,” you own whatever happens next.
- Slow play is a sin. Three practice swings to hit it 40 yards is a felony.
- Lost ball search time is one minute. We have places to be.
- Talking during a backswing is forbidden unless it’s a proper jinx.
- If you ask for silence and then blade it, you must apologize to the entire sport.
- If you win by one, you must mention it until next Saturday. Minimum.